(This was written about 2 weeks ago. Sorry that I am just posting it but a sista got Internet at home now so let's pray that I am a bit more efficient.)

I am going to spare you with how sorry I am that I haven't written in over a month but a sista is tired after work and going to the library to blog seemed like a part-time job. The school kids are out for the summer and fighting them for computer time is like fighting a fat kid for the last piece of cake.

Well anyhoo, I've learned that I have a new pet peeve. Some folks think it's great to tell me, "take care of yourself." No, really?!? What do you think that I am about to go eat a tub of lard and play in rush hour traffic. I truly do the best that I can but child, things go wrong. Let me start from the beginning.

About three weeks ago, I started to feel really, really bad. I knew it was a possible lupus flare-up but I kept it moving. With the new job, my health insurance didn't begin until the first of July. So my plan was to just take those extra strength Tylenol, grin and bear it.

At my job, my balled up face and disposition were the worst. Just terrible. I wasn't my usual joyful self self. My quick-witted humor wasn't there and I just didn't want to be bothered with my co-workers. I separated myself more than usual. Nothing personal, that's just what I do. I have never been one to mingle with co-workers anyone. My main goal at work is to collect my monies every two weeks. That's why it's called work. Go to work, get paid. Lord knows I have enough friends.

Anyhoo, I was having a hard time especially at night. I went to the bathroom one night and my legs and knees were hurting so badly that I didn't want to get off the toilet. I'm so wacky that I decided that I was going to get some rolls of tissue from under the sink to make a pillow for me to rest my head on. I would like to say lupus impedes judgment but I have a hunch that I was like this before I even contracted lupus. Imagine that. Me on the toilet, night shorts around my ankles, laying my head on toilet paper.

I started skipping Tuesday evening bible study because I was just too tired to make it and I'm so wacky that that's what I told the pastor. He asked, "are you going to be here Sunday?" Before I knew it I was like,"no." I sure hope he isn't standing at the pearly gates with Paul and Peter 'nem when I get there. While they are determining my eternity, I just may have to break out my toilet paper pillow and make a pallet.

So this past Sunday, I was feeling awful, just awful. I remember my pastor in Detroit saying, "if you can make it to church everything will be alright." So I found me some flat shoes and trudged my weak self into church everything will be alright." So I found me some flat shoes and trudged my weak self into church. I was alright until pastor prayed that benediction prayer. Now what did he have to do that for? Before I knew it I was crying all over the place. I was holding some lady's hand that I had never seen before. Come to find out she is a healer, evangelist, preacher, I dunno something like that. I have her card. I could hear her praying for me. God covers my silly self when I don't know how to pray for myself. Intercession is no joke. I felt 1,000 times better after I cried. My body still had aches but something happens when you get around other believers and prayers go up.

To add to my hell naw-dom, remember I resigned myself not to go to the doctor because the insurance didn't start til the first of next month. Well yesterday morning when I woke up, I thought I saw the "lupus mask" as it is called on my face. I truly, honestly do not consider myself vain but you should have me scrambling with these weak knees trying to call my doctor. Oh doc, I gotta get in today to see you. The lupus mask looks terrible for lack of a better phrase. You can google "lupus mask" to see one. I do not want those uneven bumps and discoloration across my cheeks and bridge of my nose. No ma'am but my God Bless anyone who is dealing with that. So I had a doctor's appointment Monday at 4:15. I had made up in my mind that whatever the cost, I would put it on my Mastercard. I always heard how expensive doctor's appointments are when you are uninsured.

Long story short this what doc said to me, "of course, you are hurting. You don't have any medicine in your system. You said it to yourself you haven't taken anything since March." Oh yeah, I did say that. I have told ya'll before, God protects fools...and babies. So he prescribed some goodies ad as I go to check out, one of my co-workers moms is at the check window. She charges me-get this-$60 for a doctor's visit. And then when I told her what he prescribed for me, she told me that Wal-Mart has a $4.00 list. She called Wal-Mart and the three meds that doc prescribed were all on the $4.00 list. Now don't tell me what God won't do for a little girl without health insurance.

I started taking the meds immediately and guess what?? Twinkle Toes is baccckkkkk!! I feel so much better. Thank you, Lord! And my disposition is back to being wonderful.

Yesterday, I went to bible study and my pastor said, "Sunday, I knew something was wrong because you looked a little weighted." He added that he immediately went into prayer for me in the pulpit. He said the spirit told him to tell me to eat better and to get in the Word. He said God has so much planned for me, more than I know. I was like damn!! That's just confirmation to my Oprah-sized aspirations. And you mean God is going to take me further than that?!? Well let me get on the ball and do my part then. I'm holding up my own life like many of you are holding up your own.

God really isn't going to bless us until we get to where we can hear him. The area where I am falling short is that I am not pursuing my calling. I know that I am supposed to be writing books. I also know that there are only so many times that I can tell God that I have writer's block.

If you don't know what your calling is, meditate on what He has called you to do and work that thing. You may have to turn of the house phone, cell phone and remove other clutter but it is so worth it. Things come together so much easier when we are obedient (we tend to run from that word don't we). Things seem to fall in place effortlessly. I remember times like that in my life when it seemed that everything I did was handed to me on a silver platter. It was a great, comforting feeling. I have to do some re-evaluating. I fell of the boat somewhere.

Expect some hindrances here and there but hey, that's life. The bible reads it rains on the just and the unjust. Isn't it a relief to know that all God expects is our best and dedication?

Be well...and don't forget to take care of yourself.